My Immortal: My thoughts
by CaptainMaddo
Summary: Welp, this is my commentary on the terror kniwn as My Immortal. I will admit this is not my best work, but Read and REview! 3 Madalyn
1. Chapter 1

**a/n Well Hello world! I have wanted to do a commentary for quite some time and figured Hey, Why not do it while I sit in class with nothing to do? So anyway, here is my commentary of Tara Gilesbie's My Immortal.**

**Review if you feel like it, I would love to hear from you.**

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*disclaimer* I do not own this story. Sadly Tara Gilesbie does. And what she doesn't own belongs to J.K Rowling.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)**(that's awesome… truly I am in awe of you goffikness.) **2 my gf (ew not in that wayraven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling(**Raven you are the worst editor EVER)**. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee**(how dare you attempt and compare yourself to Amy Lee. What did she ever do to you?)** (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.**( wouldn't that make you not want to be related to him? Unless you're into incest….)** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch,** (WRONG vampires cannot also be witches. Their brand of magic is entirely different from witchcraft.) **and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England**(correction: Hogwarts is in Scotland, not England you twit)**where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a Goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic** (Goth people don't generally buy a lot of stuff from hot topic, there's too much color…)** and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.**(you whore, corsets are undergarments!)** I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining** (Sleeting?)** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.**( WRONG, Draco isn't shy! He's a badass Death eater. And Death Eaters aren't shy)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.** (Bitch,)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!**(no, it isn't good.)**

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**Well there you have it. My first ever commentary. i hope you enjoyed yourself!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well hello again! I have nothing to say really except Enjoy!**

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AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming**(flaming… not flaming)** ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again**(Sleet, it's called sleet)**. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.**(yummm, nothing says tasty like cold blood in the morning.)** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.**(****ooh fancy!)** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)**(how original)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**( Vampires can't blush.)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.(**WRONG the great hall is on the main floor of the castle. And the slytherin common room is in the dungeons. They aren't right next to each other)**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.**(O.O bipolar…..)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." **(Wrong again, Good Charlotte is a muggle band. And muggles can't set foot in Hogsmeade)**he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

**( I do appreciate the attempt at a dramatic ending. It proves she was trying…. Kind of)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Enjoy!**

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AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.**(charlotte? Really? You couldn't do them the respect of spelling their name correctly? Shame.)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.**(i admire the quality of your description)**I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.**(O.o)** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding**(actually you would bleed to death if you didn't take immediate action to fix the cut. Not that we would care….)** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood**( do you have a human in your closet? All of the vampires that I have read about absolutely despise not having fresh blood.)** so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.**( wrong. Flying cars a are a Weasley thing. And Malfoys dislike any affiliation with the Weasley family.)** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).**(?)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.**(watch out, we gotta couple of badass Goths over here)** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).**(Heaven help us if you did)**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.**(OOC)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.**(Hilary Duff is way prettier than you will ever be…)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! ***GASP***


End file.
